all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
