God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
