I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize