turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
