We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
