My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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