You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
