Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
