In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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