We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
