Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
