i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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