I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
