so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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