Non-Jews are for practice
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
