I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
