i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
