someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
