Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
