Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
