The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
