Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
