OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
