fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
