Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
