you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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