yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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