Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just gargled with NyQuil
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
