The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
