Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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