it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
