she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We left the knife in your bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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