I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
