I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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