So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
