i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
