so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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