Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
