Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
