I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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