i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
