Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
