we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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