As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
