Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
