went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
