Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
