Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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