I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
