I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
