Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize