I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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