When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
