I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
