So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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