I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
